I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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