Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize