420 ftw
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
