you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
