No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
