508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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