You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
