I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
