absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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