if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
