i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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