I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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