Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
