I'm lost and stupid without you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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