I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
