i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
