Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
