Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
