All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
