I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
