Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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