Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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