I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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