also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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