i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
