Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you never un-have a 4some
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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