I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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