I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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