So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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