All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize