I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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