This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
