Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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