i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
