Say something about gay babies.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
