please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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