I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
