He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
