If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
