I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
