he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
