He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
