I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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