you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
