On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
