She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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