you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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