just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
