About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
