nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
