I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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