New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
