bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
