Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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