i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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