WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
