my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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