Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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