Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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