Soap is not a condiment
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
