Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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