I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
