she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
