No awkward lesbian experiences without me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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