So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
