I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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