im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
