i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
