Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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