This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
