Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
